January 21, 2014
The latest PR coup for Pope Francis
has seen him hire famous and revered children’s author JK Rowling to rewrite
the Bible.
It is hoped the author, most famous
for her Harry Potter series, can make it more accessible and believable for a
new generation of Catholics and Christians.
While the specifics of the rewrite
are not yet known, it is believed Rowling is tasked with producing a compelling
tale that young Catholics and Christians can engage with. Figures such as
dementors and other popular creations may take the place of less realistic
Biblical creatures such as unicorns and the leviathon.
“We are very happy Miss Rowling has
agreed to the rewrite, we keenly await the first draft,” a Vatican insider told
WWN.
Rowling’s selection has raised some
eyebrows but the decision by Pope Francis to select the wildly popular author
is mainly due to commercial concerns.
“The sales of the Jesus Christ
action figure have dropped by over 200% in the last 10 years, we are in need of
new, compelling and toy-friendly characters…like the dinosaur in Toy Story,” a
source close to the Pope told WWN.
“Our revenue streams are shrinking
so the more Hollywood-esque the better,” the source concluded.
Rowling has thus far remained tight
lipped on her vision for the Bible and its merry band of characters but a
number of Hollywood producers are in discussions to turn it into a movie.
In the last century many Christian
leaders have offered revisions on the interpretations of many of the Bible’s
passages but Rowling is expected to take a more drastic approach.
“Judas is probably going to wear a
leather jacket and JK is toying with the idea of a nervous twitch or even an
eye-patch. Also why have one book when can have more? She is thinking of
splitting it up into 9, maybe 10 books” the author’s publicist shared with WWN.
IT IS A SHOCK TO CALL YOURSELF CHRISTIAN LEADERS AND COMMISSION A WITCH TO REWRITE THE BOOK YOU USE IN YOUR DAILY BUSINESS. YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED. YOU HAVE AN AGENDA.
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